One Last Prayer.

One last prayer.

by Bobby Burcham

A cool moist breeze gave witness to the end of several days of rain and gave strength the scent of the ocean sand. On a lonely beach with only the stars and night birds around a young man staggered down a long pier.

At the end he almost fell where he sat and sobbed until he could cry no more.

Then the silence was broken by his trembling raspy voice, “God, I know I am not free of sin. I know I am not free of the death and birth cycle.

“As you know I’m not asking revenge. In fact I ask that you give her all the happiness only your grace can give her. You know my heart. You know I have always chosen the path that I thought was right.

“And I’m sure you know why I came here. It’s where I came that day… and I ask you to give me a perfect heart to love her.

“And you did.”

His hands tremble not from cold but because his whole body was shaking from emotions that he did not have word to express.

“God, I’m not doing this because I don’t appreciate life. I’m doing this because I have always chosen what I thought was the right path. I chose right over what I thought was evil. And I know if I live, I will continue to drink to dull the ache in my heart. So I’m doing this so that I won’t hurt others like I’ve been hurt.

“So before I do this, I want to ask one last thing of you. If you are a God of justice, if you are a fair God, you must grant my one last prayer. If you are not for some and against others, you will grant that…in the next life you will make me a woman like her. Give me her eyes that hypnotize men. Give me her smile that will melt the hardest heart.

“Teach me how to convince men like she convinced me. Teach me how to lie so well even I believe them. Teach me how to test men’s love and devotion until I have total control over stupid men like me. Teach me how to make them crazy with jealousy and cause them to do stupid things so I can then say it’s their entire fault when things go wrong.

“Teach me how to treat all men the same, with no commitment to anyone. Teach me how to use my body and looks and the desires of men to destroy and to create drunks like me.

“Lord Shiva, let me know how it feels to have these power that you gave to her.”

As the smell and taste of machine oil filled his nostrils and mouth, his hands shook so badly that he had to use both of them, as he put the barrel against the roof of his mouth.
No one heard the quick loud crack of the 38 special or the splash as his body fell into the dark water below.